And then the Nursing Home

Week 6 of the program was the dreaded week for me.  It meant that we were going to the nursing home to start our rotation.  

No wonder some programs don't include these facilities in their clinicals; it's so depressing. Then you watch how much work the CNA's do (they will never be paid enough) and you want to help them as much as you want to help your own patients.  In case you read this and have no idea what a CNA does, I'll tell you.  Feed, Wipe, Clean, Dress, Change bed and repeat for the next 8 hours.

I tried to encourage every CNA and LVN to continue their education and become an RN but wait, who would be the CNA;     S***!.        I counted down the days and pretended like each patient was my grandma; except for that guy I had.  

When I went to lecture that week of clinical, I started to find out that life was not so bad for me.  I, evidently, have one of the least moody instructors;  in fact, I learned that she is super nice at the nursing home.  She doesn't yell at us in front of patients  and she actually lets us talk to the CNA's and the other nurses, imagine that.  I heard that "Nazi's" group couldn't talk to anyone but their patients, which is unfortunate because a lot of those patients couldn't even talk.  

This nursing program is hard enough, why drag all that yelling into it.  I have come to the conclusion that "Nazi" is pissed off at someone and she's anal; whoa, what a lethal combo.

I am sad to say, that those days are over and I am getting ready to go to another clinical rotation...............Tomorrow.

Who the hell are these people!%#!

Nobody warned me about how shallow people could be in a program that attracts so many that want to help others.  This nursing program is just like high school; it's clicky, competitive (you would think we are all fighting for the same job) and full of judgmental people.  Shame on me for being so naive.  

There's definitely some age gaps but I was hoping for a little more maturity.  It's weird, one day they will talk to me and next they won't; probably because they either want something or they just have to know what score I got on my latest test.  

A couple of times after the first week of school, I have questioned my ability to stay in this program and deal with all this.  I realize everyday that this kind of nasty attitude makes me work harder to succeed because I feel like those are the people that want to see you fail.

And these instructors!  Do they honestly believe that students learn better by being yelled at and humiliated at clinical?  I don't give a s*** if thats how they learned; didn't they think at some point while someone was yelling at them, "hey, when I grow up to be an instructor, I won't yell at my students because I don't like to be yelled at"?  (They couldn't have possibly liked to be yelled at, could they?)  Quick someone give them a Prozac!

I hope I don't sound too bitter; I just don't put up with this s***.

The Start of a New Me

The first day.  I didn't even make it to the car and the tears started.  I can't remember the last time I was that overwhelmed.  I have never had an anxiety attack but this is what I imagined it to be like, can't breath, can't catch my breath, panic mode, want to erase what just happened that day. 

I cried everyday for the next week.  I couldn't believe the load; my life was changing and I probably wasn't prepared for it and probably never would be.  Almost 3 months into this program, I believe you just have to be pushed in.  At least, that's what it felt like.  I just went with it.

By the second week, I wasn't crying anymore.

Wholly S*** I got excepted

Monday, January 14th, 2008, the last day of winter break before I start another semester, another waiting semester, just wasting time until I possibly get excepted to a nursing program.  I had already been waiting a year and getting discouraged.  

My boyfriend and I and two friends took our 9 ft. yacht "Willem Falls" to the water.  Drinking and more drinking was the agenda for this evening.  We finished our agenda and came back to the house to make some good food.  I looked at my phone and saw I had missed 6 calls, they were all from school.  

Evidently, they were looking for me to offer me a seat in their program.  This was the first time I questioned myself about being a nurse.  Reality was setting in.  I made the call to the Dean, trying not to slur my words.  When she asked me if I could start tomorrow, I again questioned myself.  It's like I knew what kind of chaos I was going to put myself through for the next 2 years.

Orientation was the next day.  There were a few of us in the same boat.  We were ner

vous, excited and scared at the same time.  Everything started off smoothly until the instructor came in the room to rattle off all the things that had to get done in a month on top of all the regular homework and tests and labs and.....whatever! 

 That instructor was soon known to me as "The Nazi."  That morning she seemed pretty normal, making jokes and smiling.  What happen to that person, I will never know.  Did I mention that the rest of the students in the program this semester have known since October and have had a lot of time to get ready and this small group of mine had 1 day.  And so tomorrow....get the tissue out.